yazadjal.com

I resurrected this old joke on the political aspect of name changes while I was on an ego surf sometime back. It focusses on the misuse of Shivaji’s name, but you can easily substitute Gandhi / Nehru / your favourite political icon and it will still be as sharp. When I first posted this on the IndiaPolicy list, there was a small bit of uproar, which can be followed on this thread.

Recently, the Maharashtra State government announced its plans to rename the Prince of Wales museum as the Chhatrapati Shivaji Vastusangrahlaya. So now we have that in addition to the Chhatrapti Shivaji Terminus, the Chhatrapati Shivaji International Airport, the Chhatrapati Shivaji Domestic Airport, and who knows what else.

If this trend continues, we may reasonably speculate what it will be like c 2050 AD…

My name is Chhatrapati Shivaji. My father’s name is Chhatrapati Shivaji. My mother’s name is Chhatrapati Shivaji. My brothers, sisters, uncles and aunts are all named Chhatrapati Shivaji. All other names have long since been outlawed.

I wake up everyday at 6:30 am (Chhatrapati Standard Time) to go to my school: Chhatrapati Shivaji Vidyalaya. It was a little confusing getting there at first, because all schools in the city have the same name. But once I got directions, it was fine. All I have to do is go down Chhatrapati Shivaji Road, make a left turn at Chhatrapati Shivaji Chowk, go straight till Chhatrapati Shivaji Marg, until I reach Chhatrapati Shivaji Road. Then I go straight till I come to Chhatrapati Shivaji Chowk. Once I got lost and found myself at Chhatrapati Shivaji Road instead of Chhatrapati Shivaji Road. Silly mistake, when I think about it.

My class teacher, Mr C Shivaji, is a good teacher. Today he asked, “Chhatrapati, can you answer that question?” The whole class put up their hands to answer. Yesterday our school, CS Vidyalaya, had a cricket match with our rival school, CS Vidyalaya. Of course, we don’t know which school won. But that’s okay.

This weekend, my family and I will go to the zoo, Chhatrapati Shivaji Pranibaugh, and see all the, um… plants. There used to be animals there, but they’re all dead now. They say it was due to “negligence” because the keepers were all running for government, one of them for the office of Prime Chhatrapati.

We have two main telecommunication companies, CSNL and CSNL. One provides telephone services and the other provides broadband MultiNet access via the Chhatrapati Shivaji Satellite. Sometimes we don’t know whether we’re accessing a website or whether Chhatrapati Shivaji (our grandmother) is calling up.

Foreigners are often confused which Paanch Sitaara Vyayamshala (5-ishtar hotel) to stay in, because they all have the same names. I think the Chhatrapati Shivaji Vishramgraha is pretty good, and one should stay there rather than the Chhatrapati Shivaji Vishramgraha or the Chhatrapati Shivaji Vishramgraha.

During the weekend, my family and I might go to the beach, the Chhatrapati Shivaji Samudrakinar, and after that we may go see a film. All foreign films are dubbed in Indian languages because, as we are taught in school: (1) Nothing foreign is good, and (2) All things foreign that are good have been stolen from us.

I go to sleep pretty early, after watching the popular TV show Kaun Banega Chhatrapati. Tomorrow will be another day… I think.

Sometimes, in whispers, I hear stories told of a mythical age long ago, when places and things had different names.

Stories of a time when each thing had it’s own name, and of a concept called “heterogeneity”. It’s a legend, only half-believed, of a time when places and things had a history, and the city an identity.

Date: 21 November, 370 AC (After Chhatrapati)
Place: Chhatrapati Shivaji Mahanagar (Formerly Bombay City)